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La fel de mult, capitolul 28

POV-ul lui Erica

Ce face? Nervii din stomacul meu care au fost aici in tot acest timp fierb. Nu mi-am propus sa-l aduc pe Ian, dar unul dintre prietenii lui Kristen nu a putut veni, asa ca Heath mi-a sugerat sa-l invit pe Ian. Asa am facut. Acum este melodia mea preferata a lor si Niall nu s-a uitat la nimeni altcineva. Il simt pe Ian intepenindu-ma langa mine. Cand Niall canta partea lui, am inghetat. Ochii lui nu au parasit ai mei. Tot zgomotul de pe stadion se opreste. Este ca si cum am fi in acest loc, doar noi doi. Altceva nu conteaza.

Doar a facut cu ochiul la mine? Ma uit frenetic in jurul meu pentru a vedea daca mai este cineva in jur, poate ca nu a fost pentru mine, Kristen este la fel de confuza, dand usor din cap pentru a ma asigura ca am vazut-o. Piesa se termina si apoi o vad. Niall mi-a facut un sarut. Un sarut. Ce presupune sa insemne asta?

Nervozitatea este inlocuita de manie. Piatra mea de fata. Mintea mea alearga in timp ce ma uit la Ian, un Ian suparat vizual.

„Ma intorc imediat.” Ii spun ca picioarele mele incep deodata sa se miste. Imi arat pasul la securitate, fara sa recunosc niciunui care incearca sa vorbeasca cu mine, sunt intr-o misiune. Cand le vad pe toate, razand si glumind in jurul meu, am curaj ca niciodata pana acum. Il prind de spate pe bratul lui Niall, strop de transpiratie, dar nu-mi pasa.

Imi imping un Niall confuz intr-o camera din spate. – Ce dracu faci? Il strig, lumina ii ia chipul si pare pur socat si confuz, nu i-am vorbit niciodata in acest fel. Sunt putin socat de mine, nu am vorbit cu nimeni in acest fel.

„Doar m-am gandit.” Balbaie.

– Tocmai te-ai gandit ce Niall? Mi-am muscat interiorul obrazului pentru a ma abtine de la sine de a spune orice altceva nepoliticos. Am impresia ca il dau cu palmele.

– Nu stiu, bine? Isi ridica brusc nervii si pare vizibil frustrat, intorcandu-se si lovind aerul. Poate ca se va intampla in sfarsit, poate imi va spune in sfarsit ce se intampla.

„Ce incerci sa tragi? Sunt aici cu cineva. ” Subliniez. Ca si cum nu ar fi stiut deja.

„De ce l-ai adus chiar aici? Sa-l imping in fata? ” Avea bratele incrucisate, brunele impletite.

„L-am adus pentru ca ii plac 5 secunde de vara. Si se intelege cu Kristen si Heath. Nu stiu de ce dracu chiar iti pasa? De-abia mi-a pasat de mine in toata perioada in care am fost! ” Aproape ca nu mai blestem, simt ca te face sa sune prost, dar doar las totul acum. De ce ar crede ca este in regula sa-mi sufle sarutarile si sa-mi fac cu ochiul pe tot parcursul concertului. Little Things este piesa mea preferata si el mi-a stricat-o. S-ar putea sa ma intalnesc cu Ian, dar vazand Niall, sentimentele s-au intors inapoi si ceea ce face nu este corect.

– Oricare ar fi Erica.

– Nu ma face Niall. Nu, vreau sa stiu de ce te deranjeaza? Ii pun mai multa greutate pe sold si ma uit la el.

– Nu este. Incearca sa-si relaxeze corpul, intorcandu-se de la mine si privind in oglinda din spatele lui. S-ar putea sa creada ca pare relaxat, dar il cunosc pe Niall de ani de zile, este departe de a fi relaxat pe dinauntru, corpul lui tipand practic la el, il stiu.

– Taiati mincinosul. Singurele cuvinte care imi scapa buzele. Stiind ca uraste sa fie numit mincinos, stiind ca va primi o crestere din el. Vreau doar sa fie sincer. Nu mai ascund. M-am saturat sa ma ascund.

„Scuzati-ma?” Se intoarce. Tensiunea din aceasta camera este nebuna. Nimeni nu ne deranjeaza, dar ii pot auzi pe altii care trec pe langa usa, facand probabil o pauza sa ne asculte argumentul.

“You heard me Niall. I called you a liar.” I start tapping my foot. He’s pissing me off beyond belief. “Tell me the truth. Why does it bother you so much?” Being nice has obviously not worked with him at all. I’m done being nice, its exhausting.

He pauses, throwing his body on the couch, his head in his hands. “I can’t.” His words hardly audible, throwing me for a loop. The tension in the room slowly fading. I wasn’t expecting this reaction.

“Why not?” I ask him, changing my tone to a softer range.

“Because you’re here with him!” He snaps at me, I can see his lips trembling. What is going on with him? I don’t know what to say, so I remain silent. “You’re with him okay? I’m different on stage, I have no fear.” He starts to explain as I let him,, his voice calming.

“So tell me now. It’s just you and me. No one else is here Niall. What is going on?” I sit next to him, but not super close, I don’t want to reverse our progress.

“I can’t.” He tells me again.

“I won’t even look at you Niall., I promise. Please just tell me what’s going on.” I’m pleading with him. Why is he doing this?

A knock on the door pulls our attention to the door. “Erica? We’re getting ready to leave.” It’s Ian. Of course.

“This is your last chance Niall. Please.” I stand up and straighten my jeans, suddenly just done with this situation. “I don’t know why you’re pitching this fit anyway. You’ve hardly asked me anything about myself since I got here. You constantly ask me about where things are, or how to do this or that, you never ask how I’m doing.” It’s the truth. I’m tired of it, and suddenly I’m not trying to be nice anymore. I wait for a response, anything from him.

“Thanks for coming today.” He pulls his lips tight as I start walking away, tears threatening to well up in my eyes. I can’t believe this. He has nothing to say to me. I turn around one last time to see him pulling his hair as I take a deep breath and summon up courage.

“Fuck you Niall. I put myself out there, I kissed you and you just disappeared, I’ve never been so embarrassed. I know you lied about that early meeting. I gave you two years to say something to me. Two years! You’ll have to find someone else to clean your house, I’m not come back, I’m done. I’ll see you around.” I don’t wait for a response as I pull the door open and close it gently. Once again he hasn’t proved anything to me. I can’t do this anymore.

“Everything okay?” Ian asks me, trying to smile, I know he’s confused and quite possible embarrassed about events that have happened today, I don’t blame him. I walk past the boy’s room without saying anything, I know if I see them I’ll cry. Right as we walk past the door opens and I catch a glimpse of all of them sitting around and Louis comes out.

“Erica.” He smiles at me but changes his tune when he sees my face. ‘Everything okay?” He asks.

“Yeah, everything is fine. Niall is just down there.” I point to the door. “You might have to check on him.” I force a smile but I know he knows it’s not real. He nods as Ian pulls me away.

“So, I know it’s not my place, but you and Niall?” Ian asks as we pass through security and into the general crowd of girls waiting to catch a glimpse of the guys.

“Um, we’re just friends. I lived at his house for two months when my flat burned down.” I explain, hoping he doesn’t ask for more.

“Well, I think he likes you more than just a friend.” Ian laughs, uncomfortable with the thoughts. I know Ian likes me, and to be honest, I’m attracted to him as well but seeing Niall, all my feelings have just returned.

“Just friends.” I try to reassure him.

“You know, it’s okay.” I stop and look at him. “I’m not trying to be rude, but it’s obvious that you and him have unfinished business. I’ve been there before.

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” He’s so calm, he’s been nothing buy nice this whole time.

“We might have some unfinished business. But he’s not taking that step. I’ve put myself out there and he’s done nothing.” I shrug my shoulders.

“Maybe he’s just nervous. He’s not ready to take that next step. I mean, you’re quite intimidating.” I laugh.

“I’m far from intimidating.” We continue to walk down the corridor. “Where are Heath and Kristen?” I ask, trying to change the subject.

“They said they’d meet us at the car.” We find the exit door and let the night air bring us back to life. Fresh, cooler air then what the stadium has offered. So many bodies in that place, even if it is an open arena, it gets hot quickly. “And you are intimidating, knowledge is intimidating. And you’re full of passion.”

“Well thanks, but we’ve been friends for such a long time, I kissed him before I left for here and when I woke up he was gone. He’s only text me to ask me stupid questions. He’s hardly even asked me how I am or how things are going for me.” Why did we park so far away? Why am I so forthright telling Ian this?

“Well, like I said, maybe he’s just nervous. Don’t judge his choices if you don’t understand his reasoning.” Talking with Ian hasn’t brought new light to my situation other than just telling me that Niall is nervous which I know he is. That’s not new for me, I’m just tired of waiting around for him to finally get the courage up. “I really like you Erica, but I don’t think you’re ready for a relationship when Niall is still in the back of your head.” I pause as he keeps walking. I like Ian too, this is a bit of a blow to my ego. “It all makes sense now, I’ve known when your mind is on other things but I didn’t want to press it. I’m not trying to hurt you but I just want to make sure you’re ready.” He holds his arm out and I skip to catch up.

“I’m sorry.” I murmur in the dark.

“Nothing to be sorry about. We’ve all been there. But as soon as Niall messes up, or you’re over him, give me a call.” He laughs, trying to make light of the situation.

“You will be the first to know.” I smile as we finally see the car and race to meet up with the other girls. I guess I’ve gotten to the point that I’m so tired of trying with him. I’m tired of getting my heart broken by him. Everyone says he cares, everyone says to just give him time but how much time do I have to give him? How much time have I already sacrificed just because of him.

I scoot in the backseat next to Ian, lacing my fingers with his and resting my head on his shoulder. Why does Niall insist on doing this? Why can’t I just be with Ian, someone whose nice and deserves the best.